


they are going through the unimaginable

by sehvnteen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Platonic Relationships, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 02:45:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14728472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sehvnteen/pseuds/sehvnteen
Summary: four people losing someone they love & one person accepting itorthere are ways people cope with their losses; it's like what the sign says: where do we go. now that they're gone? a past mentor can't sleep without false reassurance that maybe all isn't lost; a mother-figure is letting her slow rage boil and harden; a not quite friend but acquaintance can't help herself but compromise for a different turn out; a best friend who feels nothing but absence and regret; and then a young man, almost a boy really, greets death like a childhood friend.





	they are going through the unimaginable

**Author's Note:**

> should already be a given, but spoilers for infinity war! 
> 
> (does not pair w the soul stone theory)
> 
> — also, i wasn't too sure on how to write some stages, therefore if anything seems inaccurate or insensitive; please tell me!
> 
> — another note, this title is from 'it's quiet uptown' from hamilton!

**one — denial**  
**[TONY]**

the upstate headquarters felt even emptier than before. tony stepped into the hallowed halls and shut his eyes. he prayed to any and all gods listening that happy is home and safe, that pepper is in bed sound asleep, and that rhodey was just having a late night call with some officials, making sure that tony's ass wasn't in any corporate trouble.

god, he couldn't even think— no, _comprehend_ what had happened. he couldn't think it on the ride back and he couldn't think about it now.

because what was going to happen if he thought about it? what was admitting anything going to do? what would it do for him? for may? for every single person and every single heart that damned seventeen year old kid had touched?

because there was that _same_ conclusion, that the friendly neighbourhood spider-man was what?

_gone?_

no. he wasn't. he can't be.

because all tony could allow himself to think was that seventeen year old peter parker, the same kid that had been given a churro by a nice woman on the street, had stayed on the bus and stayed on the field trip. and that he was tucked in bed right now, with his old suit hung in his closet, and was without the slightest care in the world.

peter parker. the friendly neighbourhood spider-man. that seventeen year old kid on the midtown decathlon team.

he was alive. he was okay. and he didn't have to go anywhere.

and tony couldn't let himself think otherwise. he just couldn't.

**two — anger  
[ MAY ]**

when tony stark knocked on the door, may knew it couldn't have been good news. whenever tony stark had come to her apartment, it was never good news.

first it was that _stupid_  'stark internship', the first of many lies that led to peter began to craft. all his excuses about why he snuck out every night and why there were dirt marks on ceiling and why he was there on that stupid ferry in the first place... it wasn't tony stark to give him these powers, she knew that. but it was sometimes easier to blame the person you're looking at than the one who's dead.

"no."

tony sighed, he was rubbing his thumb against the wrist of his left arm. may wasn't even sure he realized he was doing it. "i'm sorry."

he was sorry? you're sorry because you lost your keys, you're sorry because you accidentally left a textbook in your locker— you can't be sorry for another boy's death. especially somebody who wasn't their boy. " _sorry doesn't cut it!_ " she shouted, not even recognizing her own shrill voice. this couldn't have been happening, it shouldn't have been happening— and it wouldn't have been happening had it not been for the man sitting in front of her. "i said he could continue doing wh-what he was doing just as long _you_ made sure that absolutely _nothing_ had happened to him!" may couldn't breathe, her lungs felt as if they were full of dust and her heart was beating at a hundred miles an hour. _she couldn't lose peter_. not after she lost ben. not after she lost richard and mary. "and you couldn't even do that!"

she saw tony wince but may was too hurt to let herself feel bad about it.  
she lost her nephew in a way that tony would never be able to understand. he knew him for what, two years? _may raised him_ when he had no family left, when she became his only family. she bought the clothes that were on his back, she wrote the notes that were in his lunch, and _SHE_ was the one who helped him learn how to tie a tie on youtube.

so who was this man who had the nerve to walk into her apartment, acting like a father figure when she tried her damn best to be both mother and father for peter when he had _none?_ and _how dare_ he be the one who got to have peter's last words when it should've been her?

she failed herself because it was her job to keep peter safe. may knew that.

but in times like these, it was easier to blame anybody but yourself.

**three — bargaining  
[ MICHELLE / MJ ]**

this kid wasn't allowed to be one of the ones lost. he just wasn't. michelle saw people around her disappearing left and right. the memory of betty brant shriek at the sight of her left arm begin to disintegrate  and erasing right before her eyes haunted her forever. betty brant, a girl she had known since diapers despite never having talked with her for more than ten minutes— gone within seconds.

who else could've been dead?

liz, all the way in oregon? ned? flash? " _peter?!_ " she shouted, running and worming her way through the crowd. "ned?!" there was a cold shiver that crept up her spine, her heart beat rapidly and she couldn't control her breathing. wasn't this the time for captain america to come sprinting in with his patriotism, whipping his shield at any and all surfaces? where was iron man flying in and blasting these circles? where were the ones who were supposed to be protecting them?

she climbed up on the bus, scouring every seat before finding ned crouched in the back, tapping at his phone.

the amount of relief she felt in her chest was surprising, but michelle sighed. "oh thank god."

but ned wasn't listening to her, in fact, mj didn't even think he knew she was standing behind her.

" _peter, pick up the phone!_ " he whispered. " _please pick up the damn phone..._ "

michelle inhaled sharply, which caused ned to finally turned around. she saw tears in his eyes and visible panic spread on his face.

"he's not... is he?" she asked, a bit scared for the answer.

but ned couldn't say what she wanted. "i don't know."

"well." she folded her arms, not sure what to do with her hands. "well, where is he?"

ned hesitated. "he left. i-i don't know where he is." there was something about his tone. something final.

 _he could be dead._ his body could be in the wind as she speaks. but peter couldn't be dead. she wouldn't let it. ned wouldn't let it. and heaven's know that _may_ wouldn't let it.

that boy, no matter how much she tried to deny it, had made himself stupidly important to her within the last two years. he's become part of her daily life and she wasn't going to let that go without a fight.

she would stop making fun of him whenever he shares stories on may pestering him. she would start being the best possible friend she could be for him. she would stop complaining about him missing a study session or even bailing on a decathlon meeting.

she just needed to know whether he was okay or not.

"ned..."

but ned just tried calling again.

michelle didn't know if one of her best friends was still alive or not.

she didn't know whether or not she was ever going to see him again. she couldn't even think of all of the things she would've done to make sure that he was okay.

peter just needed to be okay.

**four - depression  
[ NED ]**

it's been two days. four days. seven. ten. fifteen. thirty.

it had been forty two days since may called him; telling him the news, " _ned? tony talked me. stark, i mean. when peter left the bus... he left to help tony and the avengers._ " there was a pause, a couple sniffles here and there. "he didn't make it back."

and ned dropped the phone.

there were so many things that he shouldn't have done. he shouldn't have let peter off the bus in the first place. the minute he saw the rings in the sky, he should've made sure that peter was seated beside him. that he didn't play hero.

when ned said ' _we're all gonna die'_ , he didn't mean betty brant. or that kid from chess. he didn't mean flash. or jason— he didn't mean _peter_. it was _his_ fault. maybe if ned didn't listen peter. maybe if ned has made sure that his best friend was okay maybe if he went with him.

but maybe wasn't going to fix the fact that his best friend was wiped from existence. and maybe didn't make it okay. _nothing made it okay._

ned couldn't make it okay.

**five - acceptance  
[PETER]**

there was a moment where for a minute, everything felt peaceful. he couldn't hear what mr. stark was saying, and he gradually felt himself drift away into the air. death wasn't this sleepiness he thought it would be, nor was it the walking to the light. it was as if the frames of a movie had changed.

one minute he saw mr stark's face, and then next minute— everything was white.

peter blinked, and sat up. he wasn't in space anymore, and the fabric he felt in himself wasn't the suit rather than a midtown tech sweatshirts and jeans. he ran his hands up and down the clothing. _what is going on?_

"peter?" a woman had called.

he turned around and saw two people approaching him, a man with dark brown hair and smile lines that were hidden underneath his frames and a woman who had the warmest smile in the world. and somehow, he knew who they were, peter could tell just by their voices.

then he knew that everything as going to be okay.

because finally, in a long, long time, richard and mary parker were reunited with their son.

 


End file.
